I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
