too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
