the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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