Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
