Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
