from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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