Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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