it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
