Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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