Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
