i permit you to call me
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
