She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
