the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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