She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
