So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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