yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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