I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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