Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
