My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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