all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm at about main and main street
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
