When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
