Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
