i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
