I was born with a shot glass in my hand
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
