the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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