Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
