Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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