the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
