I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
