my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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