What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
