Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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