fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize