as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
