No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
