He kissed a someone with a penis
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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