come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
