Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
