I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize