Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
