I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
