google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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