I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Can I color on your dick again?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
