any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
