you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
