I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize