I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
