He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Randomize
