You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
