I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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