My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
