just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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