I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
