and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
