His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
