I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i will never coherently bang her
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
