my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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