No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
