I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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