dude i'm inner monologue high
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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