I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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