dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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