Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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