when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
