Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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