Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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