he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
