On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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