I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
