I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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