i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize