We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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