im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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