so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
