Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
