For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
